Eleven
by fivecents
Summary: A Degrassi girl has committed suicide and has left behind eleven letters. One to Adam, Alli, Bianca, Clare, Eli, Drew, Fitz, K.C., Wesley, Fiona,and Jenna. Only one letter though, holds the reason behind her death...but whose letter?
1. Everybody Pt 1

**So after writing Hotblack I've kind of been in a major writer's block and haven't been able to write anything very well until now. Anyways, I came up with this idea last night after thinking about how much I missed my TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY book, which I've seemed to have misplaced. This story is inspired by that book and I highly recommend you read it. Anyways onward with Eleven!

* * *

**The clock reads 4:17. The numbers are so bright that they seem to leer at me; the aquamarine color is too false and cheery. I'm seventeen minutes late but I don't care. I'm scared and I don't know why. Actually, I do know why. The reason behind my fear is the piece of plain white printing paper folded up in my pocket. My trembling hands reach into my blazer and yank out the paper. For the billionth time it seems, I read the typed out words once again. It's a stupid thing to do since the words are imprinted in my memory by now. **MEET AT MY GRAVE 4:00 PM ON OCTOBER 6****TH****. **

I close my eyes and my fingers trace the crease in the paper I've made. Why does she want me at her grave? Who does she want me to meet? What is all of this about? My stomach clenches and I open my eyes to see my hand is throttling the paper tightly. I release my hold and try to take calm breaths but I'm too rattled. I need to get this over with.

I yank open Morty's door and head up the grassy hill where her grave is. The grass flutters around my ankles in the wind. I look up at the sky; it's gray and foreboding, it matches my mood perfectly. I continue walking, making my way around numerous tombstones that jet out of the earth like jagged teeth. I'm still making my way through the cemetery when I hear a voice behind me.

I whirl around to see...Clare? She looks at me, her face twisted up in confusion. I feel my face mask hers; I'm equally as puzzled.

"What are you doing here?" Clare asks. Her voice is sharp but I notice the edge of anxiety beneath. "I thought you had detention."

I swallow softly, remembering the lie I had told Clare so she wouldn't ask me to hang out today. "I...it got...wait what are _you_ doing here?" That's when I notice what's clutched in her hand: a piece of plain white printing paper.

My eyes go back to hers and my body fills with the same tension as before.

"You got a note too?" I ask, my mouth dry and cottony. Clare's eyes widen in surprise and she glances down at the note in her hand before looking back up at me.

"You got one also?"

I nod and pull out the crumbled paper from my pocket. I hand it to her and she hands over her own. Her's has the same message on it as mine.

I look up at her and she's staring at me, biting her bottom lip. The wind kicks up and blows around us and her golden brown curls whip around her face.

"What do you think it means? Why does she want us to meet here?" Her voice is filled with worry and I want nothing more than to hold her to me, to keep her safe but I can't. Not until I know what this whole thing is about, this mess we seemed to be thrown into the middle of.

"Won't know until we get there," I say gruffly and we both continue our trek towards her grave.

I stop when we're about a couple yards away from her final resting spot. Eighteen eyes look up at Clare and my approach. Some are narrowed in distrust, others widened with surprise. A couple are filled with bewilderment. I know mine must be mirroring my shock at seeing them all there. Clare seems just as taken aback as me.

Adam, Alli, Bianca, Drew, Fiona, Jenna, K.C., Fitz, and Wesley. They are all surrounding her grave, all holding on to white sheets of paper that flutter in their hands.

"You two get notes?" Drew calls out to us. Everyone continues to watch us wearily as Clare and I both nod and hold up our sheets of paper. The wind is howling now and as I glance again at the sky I can feel that a storm is about to hit. The clouds look like they are bursting at the seams, ready to drench us in a downpour.

Clare and I make our way to the circle and join it. We surround her tombstone and my heart picks up pace when I think of her slowly decaying body only mere feet beneath us. I grab Clare's hand and although she squeezes back she lets go shortly after.

"So what does all of this mean? Why are we all here?" Alli's voice comes out as a stressful whine and I notice that her hands are trembling slightly. No one answers because none of us has the answer.

I'm staring at the tombstone, trying to think, trying to make sense of this whole thing. There's a huge bouquet of colorful flowers that are propped up against the gray marker. The flower's bright, cheerful colors seem garish and wrong on this sad place. I'm staring at them so intently when I see it: a corner of manila paper behind the petals.

"Hey!" My voice comes out loud; too loud for the distress we're all in. Everyone flinches at my voice but I ignore them as I dart forward and pull the paper from behind the bouquet. It's a plain manila envelope with the words: **4:00 PM-OCTOBER 6****TH**scrawled in thick black marker on top.

We're silent, everyone's eyes trained on the envelope in my hand.

"Open it." Bianca's voice barks at me and I pause as my finger edges along the opening.

I don't want to appear afraid though so I quickly tear off the top and dig my hand inside. I pull out a dozen more plain white envelopes, each one with one of our names scribbled on top.

I start passing them along and soon I'm left with two envelopes. One with my name on it, the other with the word "everybody" on it.

"Someone else open it," I say and toss the envelope to Drew. He catches it but rapidly shoves it to K.C. I can see that K.C. doesn't want to open it either and so does Bianca because she reaches out and snatches the envelope from him.

"Such wimps," she scoffs and proceeds in slitting it open. She yanks out a sheet of paper and in a voice that booms across the cemetery reads:

"_Hello everyone. I'm sure you've all come. All eleven of you. You're probably all wondering what this is about. You'll find out soon enough._

_ I hope you all miss me. It's been two weeks right? Two weeks since I've joined the deceased. I didn't ask you here to mourn me though, I'm not that conceited. I know you're all trying to put me in your past but I'm not going to let you forget yet. You each need to know something first._

_ In this envelope are eleven letters, one for each of you. Ten of these letters tell a story about a time you and I shared and how you so wonderfully impacted my life. But one of these letters is not like the rest, for it places all the blame of my death upon your shoulders. What one of you did was obviously terrible enough for me to put ten other people's kindness aside and take my own life. Which one of you is it though? You'll find out soon. I hope most of you are doing well and I miss you, from wherever I'm going to be in the afterlife...if there's an afterlife. Sincerely, Sophia." _

No one says a word. I look down at the envelope in my hand and feel a new trill of fear ripple in me. This letter could blame me for Sophia's death...what this envelope held could put me in a world of guilt for the rest of my life. Like I wasn't already feeling completely to blame for Julia. For a second, I hated Sophia for doing this, for putting me in this horrible position once again. Then I hear a yell.

I look up to see Alli pointing an accusatory finger at Bianca's face.

"This is all your fault! It's so obvious you're the one she blames, you bitch! You have to screw up everyone's life!" Alli howls and Bianca starts forward, her hand already curled into a fist. Drew and Fitz both step forward and drag the girls apart.

"I didn't do anything to Sophia! Not a single damn thing!" Bianca yells, her face turning scarlet in rage. I'm shocked to see actual tears glimmering in her eyes. Bianca, the girl made of ice, reduced to a puddle.

"If you didn't do anything then you read first!" Alli snaps, and quiet settles around our circle once again. We're all looking at Bianca and she squirms out of Fitz's arms. She turns and looks at all of us.

"You all think I did it, don't you?" Bianca's voice comes out quivering. "Well fine, fuck all you then. I'll prove you wrong, I'll read first, but know this, not a single one of you is as innocent as you pretend to be." Her voice grows stronger and with that she opens her envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. She begins to read...

* * *

**Please, review, review, review! Place guesses on who you think is to blame, tell me what you think each one of them did, tell me how I can improve! Thank you for reading Chapter 1 though! :)**


	2. Bianca DeSousa

**Here is Chapter 2 everybody! Hopefully you enjoy it. I'm still trying to shake my writer's block so bare with me if this sucks. It'll get better, I promise3.

* * *

**"_Dear Bianca, Hey Bee! I'm sorry about everything, for putting you through this. You are __**NOT**__ one of the reasons behind my death. People are probably surprised aren't they? I bet everyone guessed it was you but guess what guys? Bianca DeSousa is one of the sweetest people I've ever met...when you give her the chance to be. In fact Bee, tell them the story on how we first met. On how you were my first real friend at Degrassi. When you're finished telling them, read the rest of this and I'll explain on how you made my short life so much more worthwhile."_

Bianca stops reading and looks up at us. Although her face is pale, she wears a smirk of triumph.

"I told you I didn't do anything to her," she sneers at Alli. Alli rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. Alli hates being proven wrong.

"So, go on, tell the story," Fitz says and Bianca throws him a glare.

"Jesus, hold on, I was just going to!" She bristles at him but then after taking a deep breath she begins.

"I was outside The Dot, just kind of hanging out and I saw this girl, Sophia, standing a couple feet away from me, also just standing outside The Dot. She looked kind of lost and I went up and started talking to her. She told me she was new, and that she didn't know anybody. We just talked for a while and ended up going to the park. She liked The Food Network too." Bianca shrugs as she finishes her story.

"Honestly, that doesn't sound at all worthwhile," K.C. says after a pause.

"I'm sorry that my story wasn't good enough for you. Obviously it was good enough for Sophia," Bianca snaps and glowers at K.C.

"He's right though," Adam pipes up. Drew shoots Adam a look, clearly telling him to shut up. Drew was obviously still sore about how things ended with his little Alli-Bianca love triangle.

Adam shrugs. "What? He's right. That doesn't sound like something special, or monumental. Read the rest of the letter Bianca, maybe it explains more."

Bianca mumbles something under her breath but picks up the letter once more. She reads quietly:

"_Let me guess. No one understands why that moment was so special, right? I know you probably downplayed it Bianca, but people need to know what a wonderful person you are so I'll tell you the story from my perspective. _

_ I was sitting outside The Dot because I was afraid to go in. I didn't have any friends yet and it would look stupid of me to go in there alone. Then, I saw you standing outside too. I'd seen you earlier that week around school, always looking so menacing and tough. To me, you were the most independent girl I'd ever seen, because I could tell you didn't need anyone in your life. You just had that aura around you. But what's weird is, when I saw you standing outside The Dot, I didn't see you as some tough bitch. I saw you as a girl who desperately wanted to belong. In that moment, you seemed as lost as I was. _

_ I remember you looked up and saw me staring at you and for a second I saw this look in your eyes. You knew that I saw behind your disguise. I was afraid you'd come up and hit me, in all honesty. But you surprised me once again. You came up and started talking to me. You said that you had seen me around school and asked if I was new. When I told you that I didn't know anybody you suggested we go to the park and hang out. Bianca, when you said that, I was so happy. Happy that for once, I wasn't just the invisible girl. _

_ We walked to the park and you just chattered away about this and that. We shared our mutual love for cooking. Imagine, Bianca the Bitch, liked to bake cupcakes. I remembered thinking that and I'm pretty sure I burst out laughing like an imbecile. But instead of looking at me like I was crazy, you just smiled too, like you knew what I was thinking. _

_ You told me a lot about yourself that day. I shared a lot of who I was with you too. You talked to me about the time you had a crush on boy in your fifth grade class and how he pushed you into the dirt and called you ugly, about how when you were in seventh grade and your dad's friends started hitting on you. On how one of them even tried to touch you. I knew that this was the first time you'd probably ever opened up to somebody. I was happy that you trusted me enough to tell me all this. Part of me thinks now, that even then, you knew I wasn't going to be around a lot longer to be able to repeat these stories anyways. Like you knew I would be dead soon. _

_ Bianca, Bee the Baker as I called you that day, you said one thing to me at the end. The sun was setting and I remember how you were glowing pink in the fading light. Your hair was all tousled from sitting in the grass and you were smiling at me. I told you, that you had one of the prettiest smiles ever and that you should wear it more often. I saw how your face turned sad and you started picking at the grass. You told me, "Sophia, I'm the girl that no one tries to hurt, you know? If I started smiling, if I let people know I was happy, then they could hurt me again. I've been hurt enough in one lifetime, to not want to feel like crap ever again." I just remembered holding your hand for a second, just a second and said, "Bee you're already hurting as it is." You took your hand away but you smiled at me again, a real smile. I hoped for you, that you'd be able to get over your fear of being a victim again. That you'd open up to others like you did for me. _

_ I know this was probably hard for you to read. Especially hard for you to read it out loud. Open up Bianca, that's what I want you to learn from my death. Open up and let others see what a truly remarkable soul you are. You have so much to offer than you give yourself credit for. I miss you, Bee. Love, Sophia." _

Bianca is crying freely now. She doesn't try to hide it, and it is her first attempt to take in Sophia's advice. She is showing us that she is weak. Bianca clutches the paper to her chest and I see all the pain that Bianca has hidden so carefully from us. Gone is her tough façade, and in its place is a broken girl.

It's Alli who moves forward first. She hugs Bianca and although Bianca remains stiff at first in Alli's arms, she slowly hugs back.

"I'm sorry about Drew," she whispers and Alli just nods. Drew's face fills with shame and he looks away. Alli draws away from Bianca, her own eyes filled with tears and she gives a sad little laugh. Alli retreats back to her original spot in the circle.

I watch as Fitz hesitantly puts his arm around Bianca. Bianca leans against him and I see Fitz look surprised, like he expects to be shoved away. He clears his throat and then asks, "Ok, who next?"

A crack of thunder answers him and we all whip our heads up to look at the sky. From far away, we see the pitch-black clouds edge closer to us.

"I'll go next," a voice says and we turn back to face Alli, who has just spoken.

She holds her letter in her hand and on her face is a look of resolution.

"If I can go around casting the blame on others, I should be able to know that the blame could easily be on me." Alli looks at Bianca apologetically. We're quiet as we hear the ripping of paper as Alli opens her envelope. She pulls out her paper and in a quiet voice, begins to read her letter.

* * *

**Now just to make this more evil on you, I'm not gonna post Chapter 3 until I get up to 50 reviews. Can you do it? I bet you can since I already got 25 reviews for Chapter 1. Don't let me down people ;] **


	3. Alli Bhandari

**Well, you guys definitely got me over 50 reviews and I'm really thankful for them! Keep reviewing, but even if you don't, I'll still write more chapters. Now with Alli's story, I tried my hardest but I've always felt like, in the show, you never really know much about Alli's character. Even though she has a lot of story lines you never really know what her personality is so I had difficulty writing this. I hope it doesn't show! By the way, while I was writing this I kept listening to Saskia Hamilton by Ben Folds & Nick Hornby thanks to Charlie McDonnell's video! So that was the song that sort of helped me write this. ^.^  
**

* * *

"_Dear Alli, you know you probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the dance. I mean if that hadn't happened, you wouldn't have gotten the letter telling you to meet here today. But the dance happened, and the one time I ever talked to you, you changed my life. Thus, this letter. Before you read any further I wanted you to know that you are __**NOT **__one of the people responsible for my suicide. _

_ What comes to mind when people think of Alli Bhandari? Eager to please. Power hungry. Popularity driven. Fake. Yes, those are the words a lot of your classmates associate you with. But not me, never me. I saw you as a girl who wanted to be followed because you saw yourself as a born leader...and you are that. But sometimes, I think in your quest for popularity you forget to be Alli. You give in to peer pressure, and you try too hard to fit in..._"

Alli has a stream of tears running down her cheeks. She tries to continue reading, but her weeping won't let her get the words out. I'm sad for Alli, for her having to read about what other people think of her. That's always been something important to Alli, what others thought of her. Bianca breaks from the circle and stands next to Alli. She takes Alli's hand in hers and holds it; a sign of strength. It gives Alli the power to go on.

"_That's okay though, Alli. Anyways, I'll talk about the time you and I met. It was the Vegas Night dance. From what I heard from gossipers, Drew had cheated on you and then his mom caught both of you in the boiler room. I heard a lot of sympathy for you, but I also heard the occasional what-a-slut commentary. I felt bad for you. _

_ After the lockdown I waited awhile to leave. The whole night had been a whirlwind of activity and I frankly, felt overwhelmed by it all. I didn't have a car so I had to walk home. It was dark outside, but the moon was bright. A full moon I think it was, if I remember correctly. In fact, if the moon hadn't been so bright I might not have seen you. But as it was, the moonlight was reflecting off your pink dress while you sat on the picnic table by the basketball courts. I knew it was you instantly. I mean who else in Degrassi would wear a hot pink dress with a feather boa? _

_ When I walked towards you, I could tell you were crying. Your shoulders were shaking and you looked incredibly cold. I sat down next to you and you looked up and I saw the shame on your face. You told me to go away but I knew you didn't mean it. You needed somebody right then more than ever. When you realized I wasn't going away any time soon you just asked me in this really croaky voice if I'd heard the rumors about you. I remember nodding and you just burst into tears again and I hugged you. _

_ I told you I didn't believe a single word of it. At least, I didn't believe you'd done anything in the boiler room with Drew. When I said his name I felt your anger. You pulled away from me and you looked at the school, but you weren't really looking at it were you? No, I bet you that you were replaying what Drew had done in your head. _

_ You asked me then, after a couple of minutes why I didn't think you'd done anything in the boiler room. I told you that I knew you weren't that girl. You seemed confused by that. I guess you would be confused, since I'd never met you before until then. I asked if you were cold and you nodded and I asked if you wanted to come to my house. You said no but I knew it wasn't because of me. You just needed to be alone that night. However, you did offer to walk home with me. _

_ We started walking and at first all we listened to was the sound of our high heels against the sidewalk._

_ You asked me, "Can we walk barefoot? The sound of my shoes reminds me about how excited I was for Drew to compliment them." I heard the subtle plea of desperation in your question, and I agreed and while I took my shoes off and held them, you hurled yours out somewhere in the darkness._

_ "Do you feel better now?" I remember asking but you just shook your head. You had your arms crossed over your chest, like you were trying to protect yourself. For a while we didn't speak and then you asked my name. I told you and you just nodded. I didn't think you were even listening but then you started talking._

_ "Sophia, why are guys such jerks? I trusted him you know? I was good to him, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. Why am I never good enough for anybody?" You kicked out at a tree that was next to us. I felt your rejection, your anger, but most of all I felt your worthlessness. You thought you were beneath everyone. We were still walking when I finally found the words to say to you._

_ "Alli, you're too good. Better than all the rest. I know, you don't well, know me but I can read people really well. You've got spirit and you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You think you aren't good enough so you give into what other people want of you. But you should be yourself, Alli. Because, seriously, who you are, the real Alli, is good enough. I promise you." _

_ After I finished that little speech, we arrived right at my house. My porch light was on so when you turned to me, I could see your face entirely in the light. I saw despair, plain as day upon your face. I realize now that that was the last time we'd ever see each other again. I mean, it's been a week since then and I'm about to well...you know. _

_ Your last words to me, before you started walking home were, "How can other people accept the real me, when even I can't?" You were gone before I could respond. _

_ Alli, I hope that my death taught you that it's okay to be who you are. I hope you remember that night, remember what I told you because it was all true. You're a good person Alli Bhandari, a great one really. Be who you are, and screw anyone who thinks you should be someone else. Love, Sophia." _

Alli's tears are gone but she is still holding Bianca's hand tightly. We all wait for her to say something, to acknowledge Sophia's words. Instead, she faces Drew.

"Why did you do it? Why did you make me feel like I wasn't good enough?" Alli's voice quivers but remains strong. Drew shuffles awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.

"I don't know why," Drew mumbles. "It was stupid of me, but I couldn't help it."

Alli shakes her head in disgust, clearly disappointed in Drew's pathetic excuse of an answer. An awkward silence descends around us, like a stifling blanket.

"Who goes next?" Jenna asks finally. Her hands are resting on her stomach. It is common knowledge that Jenna is pregnant by now. K.C., I notice, true to school rumors, is far away from her in the circle, showing that he clearly wants no part with the baby or Jenna. How Clare managed to date that chump for so long is beyond me.

I notice that no one has answered Jenna. I'm about to open my mouth and volunteer, just so someone would go next when Fitz offers first.

"Seriously are all of you guys here wusses? Damn, the girls have more balls than you do. I'll freaking go."

Fitz yanks out his letter from the envelope. I notice his fingers are holding the letter so tightly that his knuckles are as white as the paper itself. It was clear he was afraid that all the blame would be put on him. In my mind, after the stunt he'd pulled at Vegas Night, I wouldn't be surprised if he was responsible for Sophia.

In a shaky voice, Fitz began.

* * *

**That was Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 will be up soon. Keep up reviewing. So far we have Alli and Bianca in the clear, so Adam, Clare, Eli, Fitz, Jenna, K.C., Drew, Wesley, and Fiona are all still up to be blamed. Oh, who could it be? Mwahahaha! ;]**


	4. Mark Fitzgerald

**So guys, did anyone else watch Degrassi last night? Oh my god, it was amazing, especially the promo for the rest of the season! Anyways, this is by far the longest chapter I've ever written for any of my fan fictions! I was inspired by well Degrassi returning as well as The Hunger Games book series. Seriously, those books really helped get me out of my writers block. Anyways, here is Chapter 4: Mark Fitzgerald! Enjoy

* * *

**"Dear Mark," Fitz reads and then stops. His hands are trembling so hard that the paper looks like it's about to take flight from his grasp. Fitz's face wears a look of guilt but I don't feel any pity for him.

_Why should I?_ I think bitterly as Vegas Night memories flash in my head. The knife comes closer to me, Fitz's voice "_Someone's gotta shut you up_" ringing in my ears and I close my eyes to shut the thoughts out. How Fitz escaped jail time I still don't know and the knowledge that he's free to walk around as he pleases still sets up a burst of rage in me. Fitz deserves to feel guilty. Fitz deserves to be blamed.

As if he can read my thoughts, Fitz looks up at me. Our eyes meet and his narrows. The look of guilt has been erased from his face and all I see is hatred.

"Think I did it emo boy?" Fitz calls to me, his voice full of malevolence. I can feel my fingers curl into a fist, my nails digging into my palm. I'm starting to see red and I realize that I'm moving forward when I feel hands grab my arms and yank me back.

"Eli, stop! He's not worth it!" Clare breathes into my ear, her hands still holding on to me. Adam's also got a good grip on me to keep me in place. I wrench out of both their grasps and stand their, regaining my breath. My heart is racing but the red is fading from my vision. Fitz looks at me with a cock of his head, a leer plastered on his face.

"Yeah, I think you did do it," I say calmly, even though I'm gritting my teeth. "What'd you do Fitzy-boy? Hurt her because she wouldn't go out with you? Defenseless Sophia, and you probably messed her up so bad that she had to do this." I gesture at the grave stone.

Fitz's face turns red and suddenly he's lunging towards me. We topple over and I feel my lip bust open as his hand, still holding the letter, makes contact with my face.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY THAT! I WOULDN'T DO THAT. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HER!" Fitz bellows.

Suddenly Fitz is pulled off me and I get up with Adam's help. I rub my hand against my lip and see the smear of blood it leaves behind.

I spit the blood filling my mouth out and I'm about to launch another verbal attack when a loud whistle pierces the air.

Bianca has moved into the center of the circle, two fingers in her mouth, ready to whistle again.

"Both of you, give it a damn rest. We know you hate each other all right? But we aren't here for you, we're here for Sophia so put your dumbass boy drama aside," Bianca yells, glaring at Fitz and me. She steps back to Alli's side and gives me a look, daring me to make another move towards Fitz.

I roll my eyes but remain silent. My heart is pounding frantically still with my fury. Clare tries to hold my hand but I pull away from her. I see her eyes fill with hurt at my rejection but I'm too angry right now. I need to be alone but I won't leave until I know that Fitz is blamed.

"Just read the damn letter Fitz!" Clare snaps and everyone looks at her, slightly astonished at her outburst.

"What? I'm sick of this. Just hurry up," Clare says waspishly and Fitz after muttering a quick "Whatever" starts to read again.

"_Dear Mark, my bet is that after Bianca, you're going to be the one they turn on. Can you blame them though? With all the crap you pulled in the past...especially with Eli. It's only common sense to blame you. But guess what? You're __**NOT**_ _the one who made me kill myself. Are all of you shocked? Well, don't be. I'll explain why. _

_ Mark, I bet no one else there knows that I was your next door neighbor when I was alive. I bet you didn't even know that when I first moved in. I can still remember that day actually... _

_ I was standing outside the moving truck, watching all the guys carry our boxes into the house. I was really bored and so far, the neighborhood didn't look very exciting. Then, you came strolling by. You were with two other guys, who didn't look very nice. You stood outside what I assumed was your house with them and talked and laughed a lot. I couldn't help but watch you, after all, you were the first kid around my age I'd seen since I moved. I swear you caught me watching you a couple of times but never showed any signs of noticing me. Until one of your friends, Owen I think his name was, shouted out, "LOOK FITZ HAS A STALKER!" All three of you turned your heads to look at me and started laughing and I just remember running into my new house and never turning back._

_ The time I lived in that house and went to Degrassi, I learned tons about you, Mark Fitzgerald. At school, you were a bully. The guy no one messed with because if you did, you'd end up being black and blue afterwards. I'd even seen you, a couple of times, smacking kids around. Not to say that surprised me really, ever since the day you laughed at me, I could tell you weren't the nicest kid ever._

_ No one at school though knew why you were like that. I did though. I knew your darkest secret. My bedroom window faced your kitchen window. Late at night, I could always see the yellow light pour out of your window into my room. I'd always hear shouts and yells. I'd look out my window and see shadows moving around in the kitchen. I'd see the silhouettes of things flying around and I could hear the shatter of them against the wall as they usually missed their target: you. Every single night, like clockwork, I'd watch as the large shadow of a man beat up on the smaller shadow of a boy. I knew your stepdad hurt you, Fitz. I knew why you were so full of anger at school, why you always took your rage out on others. I understood you, when no one else did. _

_ I never spoke to you until the night after Vegas Night. By then, everyone had heard what you did to Eli. All I heard were people calling you a monster, a sick bastard, and all I wanted to do was explain to them what you went through. I kept my mouth shut though because it wasn't my story to tell. _

_ Anyways, that night I was sitting outside on my porch, looking up at the stars. My house felt like it was stifling me and I needed to breathe so that's why I was outside. That's when I saw your shadow, walking past me. You didn't notice me until I called out to you. You jumped, like I'd scared you. Maybe I did. _

_ You didn't look good. You were wearing the same clothes you'd worn at the dance, your shirt was all rumpled, like you'd slept in it. Your hair was a mess and you had the most heartbreaking look on your face. It was a look of desperation and defeat. It's a look I know very, very well. _

_ "Are you...are you just getting back from the police station?" I realized that besides shouting your name, this was the first time I'd ever spoken to you. _

_ You looked exhausted and you gave me this really weary look before replying, "Yeah, I am."_

_ I didn't say anything for quite a bit and we both just stood on the sidewalk, letting the wind cool us. _

_ "I should probably get going," you said and I watched as you looked at your house. I knew you didn't want to go in, because we both knew what was waiting for you inside. _

_ I was scared to tell you what I knew but I didn't want you to feel alone so when you started turning away from me I just blurted out, "I know what he does to you. I know why you did that to Eli."_

_ You didn't turn around and after I stopped talking the wind seemed to stop altogether and it was completely silent. Just me, you, and the stars. _

_ "How do you know?" you asked me in this really quiet voice. Had it not been silent I might not have heard you._

_ "I see it, every night, from my bedroom," I told you honestly. I was waiting for you to turn around and call me a stalker, like your friend did. I was waiting for you to do what you always did when you felt like you were being threatened, to turn and hit me like all the others. Instead, you just sank onto the sidewalk with your head in your hands. _

_ Sorry Mark, I'm sorry for having you read this out loud. I'm not trying to embarrass you but I want the others to know what you've been through. Because I know that with me dying, you're completely alone again with just you and your secret. I can't have that, I won't do that to you. _

_ Anyways, you told me that since you were ten years old, when your mom married Nathan, you'd been getting the crap beaten out of you. Nathan was a drunk and a mean one at that. He liked to use his fists, and even more liked to use his empty glass beer bottles against you. That explained the thrown objects I watched being tossed around your kitchen every night. You told me that since your mom died when you were fifteen the beatings have gotten worse. Your mom isn't there to protect you anymore. You told me you'd never felt so alone. I told you I knew how you felt. _

_ We sat outside for a long time, I know this because the watch on your wrist said 2:00 A.M. _

_ "Why don't you hate me? For what I did to Eli?" you asked me. I knew it was the question you'd been wanting to ask me all night, because you didn't believe that I'd actually feel bad for you. _

_ "Because...after watching what you go through every night, I can understand why you did it. Eli pushed you to your breaking point. It was bound to happen sooner or later," I said to you. You nodded your head and your fingers fiddled with the hem of your black shirt. _

_ "Desperate people, do desperate things. It doesn't make it okay, but...but it changes things sometimes. If you just let people know-" I started to say but you stood up and walked away from me. _

_ "They won't care! They won't care about what I've been through. I'm a monster to everybody, always have been always will be. Thanks for talking to me Sophia but I got to go. I've got another monster waiting for me in there," you said and your thumb jerked back to point at your house. _

_ I tried not to cry as you walked away, I really tried not to. But I watched as in darkness, your retreating figure blurred behind my tears. _

_ "Please," I remember whispering. "Please, it'll be okay. There's hope for you." _

_ You stopped and you said quietly back to me, "I gave up on hope a long time ago. I'm sorry." _

_ That night, I watched from my window as the glass bottle cracked open against your head. I didn't sleep that night, I didn't sleep the next couple of nights after that. _

_ Mark, I understand what you meant about hope. I gave up on hope for myself. But I still believe that there's a chance for you yet. A chance for you to explain yourself, to get out of the situation with your stepdad and embrace a different life. Give hope a chance, for my sake. Love, Sophia." _

Fitz, my blood still on his hands, finished reading. He silently folded up Sophia's letter and put it in his pocket and walked away. I watched his retreating back, we all did, and we all saw as his arm went up to swipe across his face, to wipe away the tears that were undoubtedly falling for Sophia's words.

* * *

**I hoped this was a good chapter for all of you! By the way, I know this chapter doesn't end with who reads next so you'll just have to wait until Chapter 5 to find out who it will be^.^**

**And by the way in answer to marleyismyhoney about why I chose the name Sophia I can honestly say I have no clue. It was literally the first name that popped into my head! Okay guys, until next chapter, review this one! Thanks for reading!  
**


	5. Fiona Coyne

**Here is Chapter 5. I thought this chapter was kind of blah, it didn't turn out the way I was hoping it would. Anyways, enjoy!**

**Oh by the way, a lot of you have been asking me if this is in Eli's POV and yes it is. You'll see why later ;]  
**

**

* * *

**After Fitz's departure none of us are sure what to do. My mind refuses to wrap around what Fitz has just read. Images of him getting his skull cracked open by a glass bottle are meshing together with the image of a knife jumping at me in a darkened hallway. None of it is making sense and I feel myself being plunged into a world of confusion. Thunder booms across the cemetery and the wind whistles furiously around us. It's getting colder and despite my blazer, my arms are prickling up with goosebumps. Fitz the bully, bullied by his own stepdad. Guilt and sympathy play war in my head, each one trying to be the domineering emotion.

K.C. clears his throat awkwardly. "So who...who wants to read now?" It's clear that K.C. obviously isn't volunteering to go next.

"I'll go," a soft voice says. Fiona is staring at all of us, a look empty of emotion on her face.

Since walking up to Sophia's grave, it's been Fiona's presence that's confused me the most. I'm not sure how she's gotten herself mixed up in our group. I just can't see how Sophia and Fiona ever crossed paths.

Fiona stands before all of us, holding her letter with her long, manicured fingers. Her chocolate brown curls whip around her in the storm's wind and her blue eyes stare down at the paper. Her eyes almost rival Clare's but Fiona's are too icy for my taste, a little too wild. I can't help but notice though that Adam doesn't seem to mind, in fact his eyes don't rivet away from the older girl.

In a soft, whimsical voice, Fiona begins to read from Sophia's letter.

"_Dear Fi, I hope you're coping alright. Not with me but with the Bobby thing. I know how broken you were before I took my life and I hope you've mended some since then. I probably didn't help matters though did I? I'm selfish, I know and I hope you can forgive me. You're __**NOT **__the reason I killed myself though so don't sweat over that anymore. _

_ Well, shall we start? Shall I begin to tell you the moment we shared that changed my life? First, though, for the others to understand I want you to tell them about Bobby. Go on Fiona, you can do it, I know you can."_

Fiona stops reading and her cobalt eyes skim each of our faces, like she's searching for something. Her eyes rest on Adam's face and it seems to give her the strength to speak.

"Bobby...was my boyfriend in New York. He grabbed me and hit me and pushed me down a flight of stairs," Fiona says. Her tone is vague but I notice a fanatical spark light up in her eyes. She strikes me as being slightly unbalanced but I guess that's reasonable if what she's saying about Bobby is true.

"I'm sorry," Adam says quietly. Fiona meets his gaze and holds it and for a second it's like they're in their own little world, blue eyes matched to blue eyes.

"Thank you," Fiona murmurs and goes back to her letter but not before I see the pearly pink creep into her cheeks. The same pink that's blooming on Adam's cheeks as well.

"_Alright Fiona, thanks for sharing that with everyone. I'm sorry if it was hard for you. Now it's time to talk about our moment. _

_ I was with my mom at the liquor store. It's how my mom had taken to coping with her divorce. I was roaming the aisles aimlessly, waiting for my mom to hurry up when I saw you._

_ You were standing there amongst all of those dusky colored wine bottles. I knew that I'd seen you at school before but you'd never struck me as the typical high school party girl. Your fingers were trailing down all of the bottles labels and I noticed your hand was trembling. You suddenly grabbed a bottle and as you did another one toppled over and crashed to the floor. We both got drenched in crystal white champagne as the green glass shards scattered around our feet._

_ You turned around to stare at me, clutching onto that other bottle in your hand so hard I was surprised it also didn't shatter. You had tears in your eyes and you opened your mouth to say something when the store manager came running over to us, yelling. _

_ You gave him a really horrified look and then you ran out of the store, before he could card you, I guess. The store manager just shook his head at me in disgust and told me to get out because he didn't serve to us "trashy teenagers". I couldn't find my mom so I decided to just wait outside for her._

_ When I got outside the sun had just set, leaving the sky denim blue with a touch of lavender and orange. It was with that last glowing strip of orange that I managed to see you across the street. You were sitting on the curb, the bottle tucked beneath your jacket with your head in your hands. _

_ I walked over to you and sat down. I was nervous but something about you reminded me of my mom. I guess it was the whole alcohol thing but I felt the need to protect you, to make sure you were okay. _

_ "I'm sorry for getting you all wet," you said to me. You looked up and pointed to my dress, which was splattered with champagne. _

_ "It's okay. I'm not mad or anything, it'll dry," I said. "How come you were in there anyways?"_

_ You drummed your fingernails against the bottle and you bit your lip like you were debating telling me. You didn't say anything and finally just looked down at your feet and I understood. _

_ "I'm sorry...for whatever it is," I said. I got up and started to walk away. The lavender and orange were gone in the sky and the navy blue was being muddied with an inky black. Stars were starting to pop into appearance though. _

_ I felt your hand on my shoulder as I was passing the drugstore. You still had the bottle in your hand but this time your eyes met mine. _

_ You nervously tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before you said, "I'm sorry for...back there. It's hard to talk about, even with my best friend." _

_ I nodded and we sat down on a bench outside the drugstore. You held onto the bottle and started to talk._

_ "I'm going to trial soon, to testify against my ex. He used to h-hit me and when I told him I w-w-wanted to break up he pushed me down a flight of stairs," you whispered. "I can't handle it. I always see it...him hitting me. Sometimes I'll look down at my arms and I swear to you they're covered in bruises but when I blink they disappear. I feel crazy and this"-you tap the champagne bottle-"is the only thing that makes me feel even semi-normal again." _

_ "My mom was who I was with in there. A couple of years ago, my parents got divorced and my mom couldn't really handle it. She's been drinking ever since to cope. I miss her; she's not really my mom anymore. Ever since she took up drinking, she's a different person. She doesn't care about a lot of things anymore, never asks me how school went or if I want anything at the grocery store. It's like her whole world is contained in whatever wine bottle she's got her hands on," I say. I'd never talked about my mom like that to anyone. _

_ I took a deep breath, because I was starting to tear up. But I needed for you to hear the rest of what I wanted to say to you, because if I couldn't save my mom, at least I could save you. _

_ "My mom isn't the same wonderful person that she used to be. It's like all the life in her has been sucked out. I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You have a family and friends that care about you, so don't punish them by doing this to yourself. You'll get better, it'll take time but it will happen." Tears spark in my eyes and I wipe them away. _

_ You took my hand and for a second we both sat there, with tears running down both our cheeks. You let go and stood up and I watched as you walked away. For a second, I wondered if my words had even impacted you at all until I heard the sound of breaking glass and you walking back towards me, your hands empty. _

_ "What's your name?" you asked as you sat back down. _

_ "Sophia. Yours?" I asked, with what I'm sure was a very watery smile._

_ "I'm Fiona. Sophia, I'm sorry about your mom. I want...I want to get better. I'm going to make more of an effort, and I won't resort to drowning my problems away with champagne." _

_ From down the street I heard my mom's loud screechy voice calling my name, telling me it was time to go. _

_ "You'll be okay, Fiona. You're strong...just like my mom used to be," I said and then I walked away. _

_ There you have it. Fiona, you're brave. Continue being that way, for me. Love, Sophia."_

Fiona smiles as she finishes the letter.

"You know, I never did drink again after meeting Sophia. I wanted to make up for how her mom was and I didn't want to end up like that. I didn't want to have to rely on alcohol to get me through the day. Thank you, Sophia...for giving me hope," says Fiona, and she presses the letter briefly to her lips. "Now who wants to go?"

"I will." Adam is staring directly at Fiona again. His face is flushed but determined and Fiona gives him a radiant smile.

Still blushing, Adam tears open his envelope...

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Hopefully, I didn't let you down with this chapter. Send in your reviews while I write Chapter 6.3**

**This has nothing to do with this fanfiction at all but I just wanted to say last night I found out A.J. Saudin (who plays Connor on Degrassi) is following me on twitter so I'm still kind of freaking out over that! Okay, enough with my random rambling! Bye! :D  
**


	6. Adam Torres

**Here's the Adam chapter! I hope you all like it! It was one of my favorites to write although I couldn't write the end very well.

* * *

**"_Dear Adam, I'm just going to start off by saying you are __**NOT**__ the reason I committed suicide. Now that we've gotten that out of the way let's go back to the day I first met you...when you came to my rescue."_

"Rescue?" Drew's voice rang with incredulity. Adam's cheeks turned cherry pie red.

"It's nothing," Adam mumbled, tugging on the ends of his nutmeg colored bangs.

"I bet it wasn't nothing if Sophia thought it was important enough to write in your letter," Fiona said kindly.

Adam if possible, turned an even more fiery shade of red, but he gave Fiona a small smile in reply to her words. I wondered what was going on between those two.

"Not to be rude, but can we seriously hurry up? I'm getting tired," Jenna complained, her hands resting on her protruding stomach. I'd forgotten that she was knocked up. Jenna was such a stereotype that it wasn't even funny.

"Yeah, sure," Adam said, getting flustered again. He hastily began to read the rest of the letter.

"_He wouldn't leave me alone. Kept pestering me, kept blocking every move I made to walk away. _

_ "Just leave me alone," I had pleaded. I was tired; I didn't want to have to put up with him anymore._

_ "Yeah sure thing, once you take a trip to the boiler room with me," he had sneered. I'd gotten angry at this point. I'd shoved him away from me and felt myself getting slammed back into the wall of lockers behind me. _

_ "Hey bitch you don't just-" he had started to say before you were there. You shoved him away so hard that he tripped over his feet and fell. _

_ "Leave her alone, jackass," you had snarled. _

_ Owen had gotten up by this point and I just remembered him saying "Or what? You'll stab me with one of your tampons?" before he punched you in the face and you well...blacked out. _

_ That was the first time I'd ever met your acquaintance: you getting Owen to leave me alone and then getting knocked out in the process. _

_ Well, I couldn't just let you lie in the hallway like that so I managed to get you to my house, after a very long walk of me carrying you up most of the way. It was okay though, I was used to dragging my mom off to bed when she was passed out. _

_ I got you on my couch and ten minutes later you woke up. I first noticed how startlingly blue your eyes were. I swear it was like the sky had melted right into your irises. The second thing I noticed was the ever-growing bruise forming on your temple. I got you a pack of ice and thanked you for getting rid of Owen for me and from then on...we were friends. _

_ I knew about you. After what Bianca had pulled on you in the hallway, it was common knowledge that you were an FTM. That never bothered me though, and it didn't stop me from developing feelings for you either. _

_ To put it simply, I fell in love with you. My adoration for you was nestled into every nucleus of every cell that made up my blood and bones. You were the rhythm of my body, the little drum in my chest. The slightest brush against me had my whole body come alive with electricity. I swam into the blue depths of your eyes every time they caught a hold of mine. You never knew this though. Didn't have the slightest inkling. Not until now anyways._

_ I never confessed my feelings for you because I could tell you didn't share them with me. Our relationship was platonic, nothing more than that. To me, you were a roaring fire that engulfed every thought in my head. To you, I was little more than the wisp of smoke from a flame-I was barely there. I never was bitter though Adam, it was hard to be resentful when I cared so much for you._

_ Our moment that changed my life was when we had a movie night at your house, just you and me. You were watching some movie about fighting you'd be talking about forever, Never Back Down I think it was. We had the house to ourselves; Drew was on some football trip. Then, your mom came home. She'd never met me before but she saw us, sitting side by side on the couch and I saw the assumptions clear as day on her face. _

_ "Adam, can I see you in the kitchen please?" she'd asked you with this big fake smile on her face. _

_ You had bickered with her that you were watching a movie but eventually you got up and followed her into the kitchen. I couldn't help but eavesdrop._

_ "Is that your girlfriend in there?" your mom had asked you. I heard the accusatory tone in her voice._

_ "What? No, that's just my friend Sophia," you'd said, but from the sigh your mom let out I could tell she didn't believe you. _

_ "Grace, I mean Adam, honey, this is all a phase you're going through...and you don't want people remembering you for this phase. But people are going to talk about you if you're dating that...girl," your mom had said. The way she said it to you was like she was trying to teach two plus two to a three year old. _

_ "Mom! It's not a phase! This is who I am, why can't you just accept that?" you'd hissed at her and stormed back into the living room. You didn't speak to me, just sat down and continued watching the movie like nothing had happened. I saw the hurt in your eyes though, the unbelievable pain you withheld in you for not being accepted by your own flesh and blood. _

_ It was then I understood why you didn't like me back. You didn't think it was possible for anyone to like you, when you couldn't even like yourself. _

_ That night has always stuck with me. I wanted to tell you, as we sat in your dark living room with nothing but the television glowing, that I accepted you, that to me you were perfect. I didn't though, so I'm making up for lost times now._

_ Adam, you are a truly spectacular person. No matter what your family thinks, what kids think, what anyone thinks. You're different, that's true but that doesn't make you any less of a wonderful person. _

_ There was one line of the movie we watched that stuck with me. It was 'Never give up, never back down'. I want you to remember that Adam, for when times get tough. For when your mom won't accept that you're her son, not her daughter. When some bully makes some snarky remark. For when you don't believe in yourself. You deserve the best Adam. Never forget. Never give up. Never back down. Love, Sophia." _

Adam looked up. His eyes were dry but when he opened his mouth to speak, I could hear the sob he was trying to hide.

"I n-never knew she liked me like that," he stammered. His finger softly skimmed the paper, and he swallowed thickly.

"Adam," Bianca said softly.

Adam looked up but he didn't meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry. For what I did in the hallway. I...it was horrible of me. I didn't think when I did it. I was a bitch and-" Bianca whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. She bit her lip and looked away.

"It's okay," Adam murmured softly. Bianca looked up. "I forgive you."

Bianca sniffled and mumbled a thank you, but I could still see the shame printed upon her face.

Suddenly, Fiona walked forward and kissed Adam on the cheek.

"You and me...we both need to be brave. Sophia wants that from both of us and I think we should listen to her," Fiona said, her voice whimsical and soft.

Adam nodded his head meekly. I could tell he was stunned by both Bianca's apology and Fiona's kiss.

"Who wants to go next?" Fiona asked dreamily, standing shoulder to shoulder with Adam.

"I'll go," Drew said. He was giving Adam an odd look...almost remorseful. Without further ado, he ripped open his envelope to read.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, and as always, leave me some reviews! Drew's chapter will most likely be up tomorrow. Let's see who we have left though after Drew...Clare, Eli, Wesley, K.C., and Jenna so we still have a bit to go. I already have the ending all planned out though teeheehee :3**


	7. Drew Torres

**Chapter 7...enjoy ;)

* * *

**Drew pulled the letter out of the envelope but didn't look at it.

"Look, I-I don't need to read this okay? I know I'm the reason why S-Sophia killed herself," Drew said, the letter clutched tightly in his fist.

Stunned silence hit the air; everyone gaped at him. Even I couldn't help but feel a bit flabbergasted by Drew's confession. I would never have pinned Sophia's suicide on clueless, dim-witted Drew.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Adam, breaking the quiet; his usually calm face was hidden by a mask of anger. "What did you do to her?"

Drew just shook his head and didn't speak, too overcome with grief. He had his palms pressed over his eyes, like he was trying to block out the world. This only further enraged Adam.

"What the hell did you do?" Adam yelled and then he reached out and shoved Drew.

Drew slammed down onto his knees, his hands now balled into fists. He didn't use them on Adam though, but on the grassy ground he sat on. His hands pounded against the earth in desperation, and in guilt. Adam stood above him, shouting furiously.

"I'm sorry Adam! I'm sorry! I didn't know-I didn't think it would mean anything!" cried Drew. He looked up at Adam, his brown eyes sparkling with tears. I noticed that Alli too had started to silently cry, and she made a point to not look at Drew.

"What did you do?" Adam panted, his face shining with perspiration as the anger began to drain out of him. "Just tell me, Drew." He said weakly, and he knelt down in the grass beside his stepbrother.

Drew took a deep breath and feverishly wiped the tears from his face. He didn't look at Adam, or any of us as he spoke, but instead addressed the ground.

"Sophia...saw Bianca and me come out of the boiler room," Drew confessed. "Bianca didn't see her though, only I did. I saw on her f-face that she knew what'd we'd done...what _I_ had done. I told Bianca that I had-had to get a book from my locker and then when she left I started talking to Sophia. I told her that if she started to run her mouth about what she'd seen that I'd make her life hell. I told her that she was jealous that she couldn't get a guy of her own...and I told her that no one at school cared about her. That she was a nobody." Drew's voice broke but he finally looked up and met Adam's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Drew whispered.

Adam met Drew's miserable eyes, only Adam's were blazing.

"How could you have done that to her?" Adam asked. Suddenly his voice erupted in the cemetery, startling a couple of birds from a nearby tree. "SHE WASN'T EVEN THAT KIND OF PERSON! SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ANYONE!"

"I know! I was an idiot!" Drew yelled. "Please, Adam-" He reached out but Adam jerked away from him.

"Don't! Don't touch me!" Adam snarled.

"HEY!" I yelled. Everyone turned to stare at me. "Can we just...chill for a second. Drew, just read your letter. It's what we've all been waiting for since we got here anyways."

Drew stood on shaky legs. He looked down at the letter, clearly terrified to read what Sophia had written to blame him.

"I'm not listening to this," Adam scoffed. "I don't want to hear how you messed her up so badly she didn't think she had any-" Adam stopped, too distraught to continue. He turned and started to walk away.

Drew gulped and looked at Adam's retreating figure before he started to read in a wobbly voice. "_Dear Drew, you are __**NOT**__ the reason I killed myself." _

Drew stopped reading and stared in disbelief at his letter; Adam had stopped dead in his tracks.

"What?" Jenna exclaimed. "You aren't the reason?"

Drew slowly shook his head, his eyes wide as he stared at the paper. Adam had walked back and snatched the letter from Drew's hand, tearing it a bit.

"I don't believe you," Adam muttered, his eyes roving the words that Sophia's hand had written.

He looked up after a second and met Drew's eyes, "She...doesn't blame you."

Drew offered Adam a hesitant smile but Adam remained stony-faced.

"That doesn't change what you said to her. You were probably still one of the reasons she killed herself over," Adam said coldly. He shoved the paper back into Drew's hands.

"Adam, you're wrong," Fiona's voice rang out delicately. Adam looked up at her as she continued. "Look, Sophia wrote in the first letter that she only blames one of us...so I mean, Drew really isn't responsible."

"Whatever," Adam said, but he walked back to Fiona's side and made no more moves to leave.

"Read the rest of the letter," Bianca said. Drew nodded and continued.

"_I'm sure you're surprised. Ever since I wrote in the first letter that someone was going to be blamed I bet you thought it would be you. Because of the things you said to me. But, I don't blame you for that. I don't even hold a grudge. Maybe that moment didn't change your life, but it changed mine. _

_ When I saw you and Bianca walk out of the boiler room, I was upset. I'd hoped Bianca had changed a bit after our conversation in the park but after seeing her walk out with you I knew she hadn't. That stung a little bit. Never, did I once think about running off to tell everyone the latest scandal. Not only would it ruin both you and Bianca's lives but Alli's as well. I wouldn't have done that to any of you._

_ Anyways, as you guys walked out you saw me at the end of the hallway and you stared right into my eyes. I saw your face harden, how you said something to Bianca and then strode up to me. I wasn't really expecting you to go off on that rant. It was a bit uncalled for Drew. You didn't need to threaten me, to tell me how unwanted I was by everyone. But this letter isn't to make you feel bad for saying that. No, this letter is to make you change your ways. _

_ You're a football player, which at Degrassi means instant popularity. But just because you're popular Drew doesn't give you special privileges. You don't get to cheat on your girlfriend. You don't get to screw girls over, period. You don't get to talk to people however the hell you please. You are human, just like the rest of us. So stop acting like you are some sort of God. _

_ I understand a little bit though Drew. You have Adam to deal with at school; people are bound to make fun of you for having an FTM sibling. Maybe you feel like you deserve to feel superior to others because of all the mocking you get. I don't know though. I just want you to learn that everyone makes mistakes. You know that better than anyone. Change your ways, Drew. Be supportive of Adam. Be committed to Alli, or whatever girl you're dating. Be kind to people in general, people like me. _

_ Deep down Drew Torres, you're a good person. I hope you know that. Love, Sophia." _

Drew stopped reading and bit his lip.

"Sophia's wrong...I'm a horrible person," Drew said softly.

"No, you're not," Alli said. Drew looked up, wearing a puzzled look.

"You, screwed me over Drew. I know that, everyone here knows that. I wish you hadn't done it because I really cared about you," Alli said, her big eyes leaking more tears down her caramel colored cheeks. "But when we dated, you were a good person. You were kind to me and you listened to me and you did sweet little things for me. That's not something a horrible person does." She sniffled and swiped at her eyes, leaving a mascara smudge.

Drew walked up to Alli and took her hands in his.

"Screwing you over will always be my biggest regret," he murmured.

Alli just nodded, and calmly removed her hand from his. Drew just gave a sad smile and resumed his original spot by K.C. Alli bit her lip as she stared at him. I let out an audible sigh at how dumb those two could be. To me, they seemed to like building their relationship up like blocks, just to watch it all fall down and build it back up again. An endless process that always ended in destruction for the both of them.

"Who goes next?" Adam asked. His body was pointed away from Drew, in a subtle yet very clear snub.

K.C. shuffled nervously next to Drew, catching Adam's attention.

"Why don't you go, Justin Bieber?" Adam asked snidely. "You've been so eager for everyone else to go, except for you. What are you hiding?"

"Nothing," K.C. snapped but he still made no move to open his letter.

"You're always so afraid to step up and be a man K.C." Jenna scowled as she tugged her envelope from her jacket pocket.

"I'll go," she said.

* * *

**Well you guys, you know the drill! Leave your reviews! By the way I got the whole calling-K.C.-Justin-Bieber thing from Lauren who runs the HollyJSays tumblr since she's always calling him that lol. Thank you guys so much for continuing to read and request updates for this on both here and tumblr, it means a lot! ^.^**


	8. Jenna Middleton

**I told you I would have this up by Monday! My trip to Halloween Horror Nights was extremely fun, especially because the next day my friends and I spent the day at Islands of Adventure...which means I got to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! That one ride in the Hogwarts castle was phenomenal, seriously the best ride I've ever been on! Anyways, here is Chapter 8! Thanks for all waiting so patiently to read it!

* * *

**"_Dear Jenna, I remember your tears. I remember your fears. Your blue eyes were glittering with vulnerability. You sat in that stiff, green waiting room chair in the hospital. All alone. Just like me. _

_ "I thought you were the best singer on the show," I said to you. The room was empty; my voice seemed to echo. _

_ You jumped, let out a tiny squeal of surprise. The whites of your eyes were crisscrossed with red lines that rimmed the blue of your irises. You looked like a downright mess but you still managed to give me a smile from across the room. _

_ "Thanks," you sniffed. It'd been one week since you'd been voted off Next Teen Star. One week since you'd announced to the whole world you were a pregnant teenager with nothing to rely on but your voice. One week since your whole world came crashing down upon your head on national television. _

_ I stood up and sat in the chair next to you. I could see you needed someone with you then. You needed someone badly. _

_ "How are you doing? With the pregnancy and everything?" I asked. _

_ You closed your eyes, like keeping them open was too difficult these days. _

_ "It's hard. Singing. That prize I would have won. The money. That's what I was counting on for this." You rested your hand on your stomach gently. "Now it's all gone. I have no one. My brother...he's there for me as often as he can be but he has to work to support the two of. Soon to be the three of us. K.C. isn't even in the picture anymore; I screwed up with that. I screwed up with everything." You let out a whimper, a tear rolled down your face. Desperation colored your every word. _

_ "It'll get better though. I mean, it doesn't seem like it now but I bet it will all be fine. There are other people who are still cheering you on, even if you're off the show," I told you. _

_ You shook your head, your blonde hair slapping against the ugly beige walls. "No, it won't get better. I can't count on anyone anymore. I guess I just...need to focus on what I'm gonna do for the baby rather than how others are going to help me." _

_ I nodded, but I was at a loss of what to say. We sat there in silence, the only sound coming from the black and white clock slowly ticking away our time. _

_ "So, why are you here?" you asked me. You glanced sideways at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction since it was sort of a personal question. _

_ I fiddled with the ends of my hair. Fear swirled around in my stomach, rising up into my throat, choking me. My secret seemed to huddle deeper into the corners of my mind, hiding from everyone. But I needed to bring it out into the open. Needed to put my secret into the public if I ever wanted to get better._

_ "I'm...bulimic," I whispered. The words rushed out of my mouth just like the vomit I induced upon myself. I trailed a hand down my side, where I could feel my ribs jetting out sharply. The feel of them beneath my fingertips calmed me like nothing else would. I knew I was sick. _

_ I glanced up at you, now it being my turn to measure how you were responding. Your face was filled with sympathy, and you took my hand in yours. _

_ "Talk to me about it," you urged me softly. And I did, with hot tears burning blisters down my cheeks. _

_ I told you how when I looked in the mirror I didn't see myself. I saw blobs of skin that pooled over my jeans. I saw arms that were doughy and thighs that ballooned outwards. I saw my eyes hidden beneath mounds of fat, and my lips jutting out, so garishly red against the pale of my flesh. I didn't see the person I was. I saw myself trapped beneath a prison of excess skin that concealed me. My prison kept me from happiness, from feeling beautiful. In my skin, I was ugly. A nightmare. I told you how when I stepped on the scale the numbers seemed to swell in my eyes as quickly as my stomach. I told you how good it felt to lean my forehead against the cold porcelain toilet seat, seeing the calories swirl away in the water as I flushed them goodbye. The more I talked the lighter I felt, until I realized it was my secret that was weighing me down so horribly. _

_ You cried with me. Sobbed is to be more accurate, but that might have just been because of your hormones. _

_ "I know how it feels," you said to me, your watery eyes staring into mine. "Before I knew I was pregnant...I tried to use diet pills. I felt fat and useless and I thought that if I could make myself skinny all my problems would go away. They didn't though. I just got even more problems from it all. It was K.C. who made me feel beautiful, like I was perfect. Even though I know he doesn't think of me like that anymore, I realize he was right. I'm fine the way I am, and so are you. You don't need to throw up your food. You definitely don't need to starve yourself. Trust me, you're ten times more beautiful when you believe that you're beautiful just the way you are." _

_ It was around this time that the nurse in the purple scrubs stepped into the room. She carried a clipboard and oblivious to our tears she called out your name, letting it ring around the room raucously. _

_ I helped you stand up and you squeezed my hand. _

_ "Sophia, I think you're a remarkable person. I think you'll battle against this, and more importantly I think you're going to win. Thanks for keeping me company. It's been lonely these days." You kissed my cheek and waddled out after the nurse. The door swung shut behind you and what seemed like forever, I felt a smile crack my lips. _

_ Jenna, you've been dealt a difficult hand in life. We both had. You're bringing a child into this world that you are solely responsible for. I'm sure most people doubt you can do it, but I'm not one of those people. After talking to you, you gave me hope. More hope than anyone has ever given me. Whether you have a son or a daughter, whether K.C. decides to be a part of the picture again I can tell you that I think you will be a tremendous mother. You'll figure everything out eventually, even though at times it seems like you never will. You're a star, Jenna Middleton, despite what that crappy TV show said. Show them how it's done with that beautiful smile on your face. And if it wasn't already obvious before, I'll just say it to clarify: you are __**NOT**__ the reason I committed suicide. Love, Sophia." _

Jenna let out a soft cry when she finished the letter. Her hand rose up and covered her mouth as she let out little sobs and hiccups. I felt Clare move beside me, ready to go and hug her friend. Someone beat her to it though...

K.C. enveloped his arms around Jenna and pulled her close. He had twin tears that hung in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm sorry for not being there," he murmured. "I was scared but that's not an excuse. I want to be a part of this Jenna. I don't want this baby growing up like I did, without a dad. Please, let me be a part of this."

I turned my head to see Clare. She had tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. They ran down her face, and made her soft brown eyelashes cling together. I moved to hug her but she backed away from me.

"Read your letter," she hissed loudly.

"What?" I asked, surprised by Clare's ferocity.

"I said, read your letter," she snapped. Her hand scraped against her face as she angrily shoved the tears away.

I felt cold inside; the letter seemed to way heavily in my hand. Everyone was looking at me, even K.C. and Jenna had broken apart to stare.

"Scared it's Julia all over again?" Clare said so quietly under her breath that I barely heard her.

"What's wrong with you?" I said, fury hovering beneath my words. Had Clare somehow lost it in the stress of this situation? She would never use Julia as a weapon to hurt me.

"I know you did it," she said shakily. Her whole body seemed to tremble in the wind. The clouds roiled around, thick and dark above us. Claps of thunder and sharp stripes of lightning pinged around in the sky. Rain begged to drop down upon us.

"Clare," K.C. said, "I'll read next, okay?"

Clare opened her mouth to furiously protest.

"It's fine," K.C. insisted. He looked up at me, probably seeing the haggard look on my face. "Eli, it's fine."

K.C. ripped open his letter and took it out. Jenna reached out and held his hand and he put his arms around her as he began to read Sophia's words.

* * *

**Chapter 9 will be up soon. We only have a couple more people left. K.C., Eli, Clare, and Wesley. Oh, who on Earth could it be...? ;) Leave your reviews! **


	9. KC Guthrie

**So a lot of you guys seemed very worried about Clare's anger at the end of last chapter. Maybe you should be worried... ;) Anyways here is Chapter 9, I know Crystal's been waiting for this ever since I started this story! So Crystal, everyone else here is K.C. Guthrie!

* * *

**_"Dear K.C., how are you holding up? With your mom? With Jenna? With everything? I know you're vulnerable. Probably the most vulnerable of the bunch. You've been through a lot. Hardship after hardship, like an avalanche of misery. I'm sorry if I added to that...it was never my intention. Just so we're clear, you are __**NOT**__ the reason I did this to myself. _

_ Now, let's see what I can recall from the moment we shared. Your skin was clammy to the touch, your hands sticky and quivering. You're bangs were damp across your forehead, your flaxen strands brown with the wetness. You murmured to me, your words coming out slow as honey; slurred and butchered. The glass vodka bottle hung loosely from your hand. I saw only a few droplets left of the alcohol that clung to the bottom of the bottle._

_ You slumped forward, your body sagging against mine as I struggled to push you off of me. I managed to drag you into the alleyway behind The Dot. You leaned your head against the bricks, your eyes closed. _

_ "I hate everyone," you muttered. A groan escaped your lips. _

_ "I'm sorry," I said quietly. We sat side by side, the empty bottle between us. The glass felt icy against my arm in the fall weather. Goosebumps raced themselves up and down my arms. The yellow moon hung full above us. _

_ You slowly turned your head, and looked at me with bleary, bloodshot eyes. _

_ "Who are you?" you asked. Whether it was the alcohol or something else I do not know but at that moment I could have sworn your eyes stared straight into me. It's like you grasped my very soul with your gaze and dragged it outwards through my lips. _

_ "I'm lonely," I whispered, looking downwards. My fingers grazed the cool, rough pavement. "I'm nobody." _

_ "You're pretty," you said quietly. I couldn't help but smile at your drunken ramblings. _

_ "Thanks," I chuckled softly. "At least someone thinks so." I returned my gaze back up to you. "So why did you do this?" I tap the bottle with my fingertip and the soft ping of my finger against the glass gave a ghost echo. _

_ "My mom is out of jail," you moaned, slinking down further against the wall. Your gangly legs almost reached the opposite wall. You buried your head in your hands. _

_ I slunk down next to you. My feet didn't even manage to go halfway across the alleyway. _

_ "What'd she do?" I asked and you looked up at me, your eyes darker than the sky around us. I saw the emptiness those eyes held, the black void that swallowed me up. _

_ "She's a drug addict," you hissed. Your hand snaked out and snatched the neck of the vodka bottle. You throttled it, your fist turning paper white the harder you gripped it as you continued to talk. "She destroyed my childhood. Actually, no, she made sure I never even had one. I spent days locked in a closet when she went out. I felt like I would be stuck in there forever. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe, like the room was sucking the air away from me. I barely ate, and when I did it was usually a couple of damn slices of moldy bread. That woman ruined me, and now she's back to hurt me again!" _

_ Your voice resonated around the alley and suddenly your hand flew back and the bottle went sailing against the wall. Moonlit glowing shards of glass sparkled in the air and battered down upon us. I felt one jagged piece slice a line down my arm, leaving a trail of scarlet in its wake. _

_ You were standing now, your chest heaving with your rage. I struggled to stand, my palm cutting open as tiny particles of glass wedged into my skin. I put a shaky hand on your shoulder and you rounded on me. Your eyes were still pewter black, a cluster of red veins turning them wild. _

_ "It's okay," I panted. "You're okay." _

_ Your lips split open in a smile that was just as dark as the sky over us. Your teeth glowed starlight bright._

_ "No," you said, the alcohol controlling your voice again. "My mother made sure I'd never be okay."_

_ You turned and staggered off. I watched silently as you headed towards the entrance of The Dot, as fluorescent light poured across the sidewalk as the door opened. _

_ "Hey! Let's get this party started somewhere else!" I heard Bianca slur as I watched her shadow slam into yours. Fitz joined you and I watched as your shadow trio trudged drunkenly off into the night. _

_ I looked down at my hand, where dripping red filled my smarting palm. In the moonlight, I could see the tiny particles of glass twinkle up at me from their entrapment in my flesh. I walked home. _

_ K.C, I don't think you ever remembered me from that night. I'm sure that when you got my letter asking you to meet here you probably didn't have the faintest clue of who I was. That's okay though. You know who I am now. _

_ I want you to know that it gets better. Your mom can't dictate your life. You make your choices; you are the captain of where you decide to head in life. You are in control of your destiny, your fate. Don't let the past lead you away from opportunity. Don't be scared of the future, of what it might hold. The future holds good things for you, I'm sure of it. So take chances. Make mistakes. Don't be afraid to live. Most importantly, don't be afraid of fear itself. Love, Sophia." _

K.C. looked up at us. He offered a shaky smile.

"See?" he said wearily to Adam, "I told you I didn't have anything to hide."

Jenna turned and buried her head against K.C's chest.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you that night," she said. "I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive with you back then."

K.C. looked down at Jenna and smiled and said, "Well, Sophia was right wasn't she? Everything did end up being okay." His hand lifted tentatively and softly smoothed Jenna's hair. She closed her eyes and smiled and K.C. looked relieved that Jenna once again welcomed his touch.

"I've missed you," he said and brushed his lips against her forehead. She nodded and kissed his palm as it traced her face.

Adam rolled his eyes at the two of them and gave me a grimace. I tried to smile back but Clare's comments were still rocketing around in my head.

As if Clare knew this, she turned to me, her blue eyes filled with cobalt fire.

"Your turn," she sneered. K.C. caught my eye and looked away, as if he was saddened by Clare's sudden cruelty to me. It felt like my brain was rapping its fists against my skull, as my head took on a horrendous ache.

I met Clare's icy eyes with mine.

"For you," I said gently, "I'll read."

Clare's eyes broke from mine as I pulled out my letter. The paper shook in my hand, the words blurring before my eyes as I struggled to control my tremors and heartbeat.

I felt sick, overwhelmed. The night of Julia's death surfaced in my mind. The ringing phone. The hysterical voice of her mother. The rush of air that escaped my body as I learned of Julia's fate. The thud of my knees sinking into the carpet of my living room as my body collapsed. Guilt, guilt, _guilt_ soaring into my veins, taking over my body like cancer.

"_Dear Eli,"_ my trembling voice whispered.

* * *

**Now we're down to three. Eli, Clare, and Wesley. Send in your guesses on who it could be and review this lovely chapter as Eleven comes to a close very very soon! Also I made a little video of this story that you can watch here on YouTube! My username on there is SarahxSin and the video is called Eleven. I also made a video depicting part of Bianca's letter which is also on that channel, check it out if you want! :D**


	10. Eli Goldsworthy

**I apologize for this being the shortest chapter in the bunch but don't worry, I'll make up for it. I promise :)

* * *

**"_Dear Eli, I can imagine how you're feeling right now. Memories of Julia probably possess you as you read this. You're probably drowning in your guilt and fears, letting your emotions suffocate you. You're afraid of me. Afraid that you once again, are the sole responsibility of another death. Of another life ruined. Eli, you are __**NOT**__ the reason I killed myself. _

_ We shared a lot of memories. You were one of my greatest friends after all. So this letter isn't about one moment in particular that you changed me. This letter is about all the times, all the moments we shared. This letter is what our whole friendship was. _

_ You're afraid of happiness. I think that's your biggest fear. You hate the thought of how easily your peace of mind can be ripped away from you. Raw, burning, seething pain left in its absence. Cool, dark emptiness after that. When Julia died, you told me that your life shattered into millions of sharp-edged pieces. That night K.C. threw the bottle against the wall; it was you I was thinking of. I watched those shards of glass glitter and tumble in the air like diamonds and I saw it as the moment your life fell apart. _

_ I know Julia's memory clings to you. She sits at the bottom of your heart and rots it away. She likes to smother you. You let her though, you let Julia warp in your mind so instead of being a person you loved, she becomes a person bent on destroying you. _

_ You push people away Eli. You let them come to a certain point before you shut them down. You also know how to goad people to their breaking points. To where they become dogged in hurting you. I know you want that though. Because if you can force pain upon yourself, for others to bring you pain, than you can't be happy. You don't want to be happy because if you have nothing happy in your life, than it can't be taken away from you. _

_ You fear intimacy. You fear friendship. You fear love. You fear anything that can result in you being content. You are numb to the world but I need you to stop. That's what happened to me, Eli. I became afraid to live, afraid to take chances, afraid to be brave, to be strong, to be myself. I shut myself down, dulled myself to the point where I felt like I wasn't even a person anymore. Even though you are __**NOT**__ the reason I killed myself, it is your letter that I'm writing last. I'm going to end my life as soon as I put this pen down. I'm not afraid to die, because I feel dead already. I gave up on hope. I gave up on love. I gave up, just like you have and I know that this is what needs to happen to me but I cannot allow it to happen to you. _

_ You have people that love you. Look up and you'll see Adam, you'll see Clare and you know that they love you. You have your parents, and your two little sisters that care so deeply for you. Even though I'm...about to take my life, I still love you. Set Julia free, and let yourself be happy. Open up to a world that has so much good to offer. _

_ It's strange, knowing that in a couple of minutes my hand will never be able to write again. My eyes will never see another night sky spread with ivory stars, or another sunrise that leeks oranges and pinks into my room. My ears will never hear another Dead Hand song, or the loveliest sound of Adam laughing at one of your jokes. I'll never be able to feel the softness of my comforter, or the silky feeling of my dog, Teddy's fur. I will never again feel a strawberry burst in my mouth and feel it's sweet juice soak into my tongue. I will never feel happiness bubble up and glow throughout me, nor will I ever feel the despairing weight of depression crush down upon me. _

_ Eli, live for the both of us now. Experience everything I will never get to. Go to another country. Go skydiving. Crowd surf at concert. Get a tattoo. Get married, have a family. Do this, please, for me. Love, Sophia."_

I finished the letter, my voice coaxing into a sob at the end. I was about to fold the letter back up when I saw something at the end of the paper. My pulse jumped wildly, my heart sped. I didn't read it aloud but rather in my head, the words: "_P.S. I'm sorry_."

I didn't understand. Had every letter gotten this? I hadn't seen anyone else's but it wasn't like it was something to hide. Why was it just on my letter?

Wave upon wave of thoughts were so busy crashing in my head that I missed the conversation going on around me.

"So Clare or Wesley? Which one of you wants to go next?" Bianca inquired.

Clare and Wesley looked at each other. Wesley had remained silent this whole time, but that wasn't surprising. Wesley was known for being tremendously shy.

"I-um," Wesley muttered, his ebony corkscrew curls blowing about furiously in the wind.

Clare let out a soft huff and crossed her arms.

"One of you has to go," argued Bianca. "Everybody else has."

Wesley's face bloomed bright red. Clearly the prospect of speaking out loud petrified him. Clare remained immobile. Each of them held on to their letters as they fluttered about in the storm.

It was at this moment the first raindrop plummeted down to earth. It was the same exact instant that a tremendous gust of wind rippled through us, snatching Wesley and Clare's letters and tossing them up into the air, away from us. Rain began to stream from the sky, thick and fast.

* * *

**Next chapter will hopefully be up tomorrow, so I'll just leave you at the edges of your seat until then.**

**Btw, check out my youtube (SarahxSin) for video adaptations of each chapter!**

**Also check out Anna's video of Eleven that she made. Her youtube name is SDABHHFAN4LIFE and you all probably recognize her on youtube for making some kickass Eclare videos! **

**Don't forget to review!  
**


	11. Clare Edwards and Wesley Betenkamp

**I just wanted to say that the review I got yesterday were some of the best I've ever gotten. I am truly sorry if I let you down in this chapter, I always have such a hard time writing the chapter I most look forward to writing, which sucks. :/ Well, without further ado, here is Chapter 11...

* * *

**"The letters!" Jenna gasped.

My heart was frozen.

"Forget it you guys!" Alli yelled, her dark hair matted against her face in the downpour. "Maybe...maybe Sophia doesn't blame any of us. Maybe she just wanted us to get together to share this. Come on, even if someone is blamed it won't make a difference. Sophia will still be gone. Let's just forget it and go!"

Bianca nodded and the girls joined hands and sprinted towards the entrance of the cemetery. Drew paused for a second before darting after Alli. K.C. and Jenna went next, K.C. trying to shield Jenna from the lashing rain. Adam and Fiona began to depart, Adam's arm around Fiona's side.

He turned back and yelled, "Guys, let's go!"

Clare looked at me. Her blonde curls were straight now, battered down by the rain. Her blue eyes were as stormy as the sky above her. She didn't say a word, just turned and began to head towards Adam and Fiona's retreating figures.

In a moment of razor sharp clarity, I understood what Sophia meant by saying she was sorry. I ran, not towards the entrance, but towards where the wind had blown the letters away. Thunder erupted around me; bright strips of crackling lightning slit open the dark clouds. I ran towards the two damp pieces of white on the ground.

I snatched the soggy papers in my hand and ducked for cover beneath a large oak tree. In the distance, I saw Clare watch me before turning sharply and running.

My shuddering hands held the letters up to read, afraid of what my own mind was confirming.

My eyes starred down at the wet mess that was Wesley's letter. Black ink faded to gray as it dripped and bled from the raindrops. My eyes scanned the paper but my mind only registered only one sentence: "_You are __**NOT**__ the reason I killed myself_."

The words danced in front of my eyes, engorging up like balloons. The oozing black letters seemed to mock me. Because beneath those words was a different truth. Those words told me what I would find in Clare's letter. What I had dreaded finding ever since reading Sophia's P.S.

I tossed Wesley's letter to the floor and all that remained in my hands was Clare's letter. I knelt down and leaned my back against the rough trunk of the oak tree; it was all that could support me right now. I smoothed the sopping paper against my jeans and began to read, terror mingled with anticipation coursing through my blood.

"_Dear Clare, I bet you knew it was you from the start, huh? Yes, you __**ARE**__ the reason I committed suicide. You know why too. But, please, let me explain. _

_ When I moved here, you were so genuinely kind to me. You were the only one I told about my feelings for Adam. I shared a lot with you, and you shared a lot with me too. The very first day I met you, you gave me your number and told me to call you anytime. If I got lonely, if I missed back home, any reason whatsoever and you would be just a couple rings away. You were the only person who openly and so warmly extended a hand of friendship to me. _

_ Being a part of you, Adam, and Eli's trio was more than I'd ever had before in my life. You guys knew better than anyone how to put a smile on my face, to make me laugh until my sides hurt. More importantly, you showed me how you would all always be there for me. I cherished you guys. You three are the only things that hurt me to know I'm leaving, to know I'll never be a part of you three anymore. I ache so horribly inside when I think about how I'll never see Adam's blue eyes twinkle at me when I tell a joke. When I realize that I'll never be able to make Eli curl up that one side of his mouth in a smirk when I deliver some dry, sarcastic comment. When I know that I'll never be able to have you hug me and tell me you're there for me. _

_ There was one other thing I loved about you guys. This excludes Adam. It was you and Eli's relationship. The way you two are together, it was magic to me. Your feelings for each other gave me hope, like nothing else in this entire world has ever given me. I saw the way Eli would look at you, like you were the most precious thing he's ever had. I watched every time you'd randomly reach out and grab a hold of Eli's hand, just so you knew he was by your side. I was there throughout all the lengths you guys went through for each other. Every secret spilled to gain each other's trust. Every remark intended to put a smile on one and other's face. I loved the way you loved each other. _

_ After Vegas Night, you two were different. The way you both abandoned each other, especially when you needed one and other the most, killed me inside. That's when I saw you, Clare. That's when this whole thing started. I was walking by The Dot, by the alleyway when I noticed K.C. He was holding on to someone, his lips on hers but I couldn't see who it was because his body blocked her from my view. I hoped it was Jenna, hoped that they'd made up. Then...I saw your curls. Your body pivoted, your lips still locked to K.C's and I felt myself fill up with blackness. The one thing that kept me steady, that gave me hope for myself, was you and Eli. But there you were, after Eli almost got stabbed, kissing someone else. I ran home, but then I couldn't stop so I kept running and running. I ended up at the cemetery, where you all meet today. I sat here all night, through the cold and the bitter darkness that cloaked me from the inside out. When the pale, watery sun peeked through the horizon I'd made up my mind on what to do myself. I couldn't live, knowing there was no hope in this world for me. I tried, Clare. I tried my entire damn life to be brave, to be optimistic, to see the beauty in everything. I managed to do that one thing, see the beauty in everyone around me. It's the one thing in life I was proud of, and it's why I wrote these letters. My parting gift to you all. _

_ Clare, I don't blame you as strange as that sounds. You were the domino effect to my suicide. But I don't blame you, not your actions, not what you did. Because, I understand. Eli has put you through a lot, I get that. I know that after Vegas Night, he fell apart a little. I know how he snapped at you, at me, at everyone around him. He was plagued by his demons and his past actions. He was mostly rotting away over the thought that he had put you in harm's way. I knew you felt hurt by Eli's distance. I knew you wanted him then, more than anything. I know that's why you turned to K.C. You needed closeness, intimacy. _

_ I'm rambling aren't I? This is a long letter, I apologize. Do you understand why I did this? I mean, I did this because I gave up on hope. But I really don't blame any of you. You were the contributing factor, yes, but just like you and Eli are fated for one another it's always been my fate to die young. _

_ My suicide was inevitable. I have always been a broken person. I've never been strong. I was born weak, born a nobody. But I am determined to at least die a somebody. I am doing that, by writing these. I know what I've written will always remain with each and every one of you. _

_ My last words to you Clare? Hold on to Eli. You both are fated for one and other, I know it. Be strong. Be there for him. Be the beautiful person you are. Keep offering your friendship to people, because you never know what poor broken soul might actually be helped by you. You did help me, Clare. You gave me happiness, even if it was only for a short period of time. I will always love you. I will always remember you, from wherever I am. Love, Sophia."_

I dropped the paper on the ground and stood. My back ached. I walked towards Morty, my hair dropping shimmering raindrops down my cheeks. I opened the cemetery gate and headed towards where Morty was parked when I stopped.

Clare was leaning against the driver's side door. She had her arms huddled around herself, trying to protect her body from the cold and wet. She looked up when she noticed me. Her eyes met mine and I saw that her azure eyes were filled with crystal tears.

The storm raged around us, but we stood in silence until I walked up to her, so close that I almost had her pinned against the hearse.

She met my eyes, and her pink lips spread apart quivering. "I'm sorry." Her hand rose to her mouth, as sobs ravaged her body and I grabbed her and held her to me. She tried to push away from me, but I wouldn't let her go.

"I didn't mean to," she cried. "You just, you wouldn't talk to me. I was so alone. I cried myself to sleep every night! You were almost taken away from me, Eli and you wouldn't even...you wouldn't even answer my phone calls." Her voice broke and she clung to me now, her body trembling violently.

I pulled away from her, and cupped my hands around her angel face. I held her chin up so that she was looking me right in the eye and as rain dripped around us I said, "I am so sorry for hurting you."

I kissed her, soft and tender.

I understood what Sophia had done. She had brought us all together, Clare and I, Adam and Fiona, Bianca and Alli, K.C. and Jenna, even Fitz and Drew had managed to capture our sympathies. Sophia knew that the only way we'd ever understand one and other is if she was gone. Sophia was a martyr for us. Sophia, despite what she thought, was the strongest person I had ever known.

I led Clare into Morty's passenger side door and we drove around, talking, crying, and holding hands the entire way. Sophia had told me to give love a chance, to allow myself to be happy and I was going to try. Not just for Sophia's sake, but for Clare's as well.

Clare and I were rounding the cemetery, hours later when I noticed that the sky had turned a meek blue. The rain had stopped, and from beneath a single cloud, the sun was beginning to peek through. The soft rays of sun made the world glitter. Something told me this was Sophia's favorite type of weather. The calm, right _after_ the storm.

* * *

**Do you understand why it was written in Eli's perspective now? Also, I'm sure some of you are wondering why I didn't write Wesley out a chapter. Now while Wesley is one of my favorite characters on the show, he didn't really have much of a role in my story therefore you guys can pretty much infer that whatever he and Sophia shared that Wesley was sweet and quirky as always. Anyways I got a couple of questions asked so I'm just going to answer them really quick:**

**livetowrite4: Yes, I've had this ending planned out since I wrote the first chapter. I always knew it would be Wesley and Clare at the end and I had the idea of the wind blowing the letters away around the third chapter. **

**KittenInAPool: No, Sophia did not know Julia, she just knew of her from how Eli described her and what not.**

**astrOSheep: Here are the songs I used for each video:**

** Everybody Pt 1 video: Unholy Confessions by Vitamin String Quartet (the version with words is by Avenged Sevenfold)**

**Bianca's video: River Flows In You by Yiruma**

**Alli's video: Lost Along The Way by John Nordstrom**

**Fitz's video: I Giorni by Ludovico Einaudi **

**Fiona's video: Kiss From A Rose (Instrumental) by Seal  
**

**Adam's video: I'm Kissing You (Instrumental) by Des'Ree**

**Drew's video: You're Not Sorry (Instrumental) by Taylor Swift**

**Jenna's video: How To Save A Life by Vitamin String Quartet**

**K.C's video: Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent **

**P.S. YOU GUYS THERE WILL BE ONE MORE CHAPTER I THINK!  
**


	12. Everybody Pt 2

**This is short, but I recommend you don't read it. I'm feeling all Halloween-y and that's what inspired this last chapter. It's kind of unrealistic, which might ruin the whole story for you, but I can't help but post it.

* * *

**Life resumed normalcy after that day in the graveyard. Except for the fact that all eleven of us all shared a bond now. I felt closer to Clare than I'd ever felt before. Sophia was right, there was a pull to us, something that made us want to be with each other.

Fiona and Adam began to date. I knew Adam still struggled with the fact that Sophia was in love with him, but Fiona helped ease his pain. He did the same for her whenever she thought about Bobby. Fiona was welcomed warmly to our little trio. Jenna and K.C. got together again. They still bicker, but now it's over choices for their baby. K.C. came up to me a couple days after that day in the cemetery to apologize about what him and Clare had done. I told him I understood, that they'd both felt lost by the person they cared about and turned to each other. I can see now why Clare cared so much for him, K.C. really was an okay guy.

Alli and Drew didn't get back together, but they stayed friends. I usually watch them walk down the hall, laughing and joking. Clare thinks it's nice that Alli has a guy friend for once who she isn't crushing on. I happen to agree. Alli and Bianca are also good friends, Bianca still has a sarcastic, snappy edge to her but she's managed to mellow out some. She gives me waves in the hallway now, and has even gone out of her way to befriend Adam, an apology of how she'd treated him before.

I gave Wesley his letter. I guess I'd picked it up when I left the cemetery. He seemed pleased that I hadn't forgotten about it. We've actually gotten to be pretty good friends. For a guy who spends a _lot_ of time on the computer, he's a cool guy. He also happens to know all the places to download Dead Hand's bonus-track songs, which is quite a plus.

Lastly, there's Fitz. I'd gone to his house the day after the gathering at Sophia's grave. We talked...for a long time. We both apologized. He told me he was planning on getting a place of his own. He had money saved up from some old relative and had already started apartment searching. I wished him luck and told him the sooner he got out of his hellhole the better. We laughed, and I understood that Fitz...wasn't a bad guy after all. In fact, he was more like me than I cared to admit.

Sophia brought us all together. She taught us how to change our weaknesses. She taught us to accept each other, and to look beyond the surface of what we see. Sophia will always be remembered by every single one of us...and she will always be missed.

* * *

In the cemetery, mere feet away from Sophia's empty grave a piece of paper lay in the dewy grass. A breeze whistled by and took the paper with it, further and further away. The paper read:

"_Guys, please, any of you. I didn't kill myself. He's making me write these. He's making me act like I killed myself. He paid my mom money to say that I killed myself, he paid for me to have a gravesite so it would look real. I'm not dead. I did something terrible you guys, I got in over my head. I'm putting this in Clare's letter. Someone, help. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..._"

A streak of red was brushed at bottom of the page. The letter was never found.

* * *

**Well, that concludes Eleven. I'll be making another fanfic very soon! And keep checking my youtube account: Sarahxsin. I just uploaded Eli's chapter video, which in my opinion is the best. Thank you all for sticking with this story, for reviewing it, for everything! Love, Sarah :)**


End file.
